Dearly beloved, I have come here today to write in defence of pigeons. Specifically, feral pigeons, those modern descendants of the domesticated type. Wood and other wild pigeons are fine and all that, but I do not speak of them here. Feral pigeons, or pidgepots as I like to call them, are some of the most memorable birds that one is likely to encounter in a grimy inner-city environment. I should know, given that I spend at least an hour every day feeding them. My love of pidgerooskis started unintentionally. As I have elsewhere reported, I accidentally installed Pigeon TV from the Lidl in my flat a few years ago. Whilst I have moved onto a direct feeding mechanism (i.e. my hand out the window and/or seeds left on the windowsill), Pigeon TV enabled me to form a lasting bond with three pigeons in particular: Axe Neck, Brownie, and Whitey. However,
I’ve done a clever thing and started a YouTube channel! I am narrating my stories with some gentle music underneath and animating some of the text. It was ChatGPT‘s idea. 🙂 I’ve been posting one a week on a Wednesday for a few weeks now. However, to be honest, it takes an awfully long time to make the videos, so I think I am going to switch to making one every two weeks. I’ve not had enough time to write these last few weeks as I’ve spent so much time making a bunch of the videos. Anyway, I hope you will give them a listen and consider “liking and subscribing” and sharing the videos with people who like to listen rather than read. I’ve also started a Buy me a coffee page. ChatGPT‘s idea as well. It said I am “fragmented, under-leveraged, and hiding in [my] comfort zone”, and that my
These guys are waiting for a natural beauty. They are from a special tribe of caterpillars which specialises in being organic jewellery for local beauties who have a special occasion they need to look pretty for. They descended like this in my path as they could tell from a distance that I don’t wear make up, however, when I got close they said I was too much of a slovenly filthy bucket in my grease stained jogging bottoms to waste their time with me. (I’ve since bought an apron in anticipation of encountering them again.) As such, these caterpillars are probably still just hanging about, waiting for a local lovely. So if you are one, I commend thee to high tail it down to the North Downs Way, just outside of Old Wives Lees. Once the caterpillars spy you, they will turn from being a path pendant into some kind of
On this sofa bed, a Monst was made. Not via procreation, you understand, but made nonetheless. His principal constituents are: assorted Meccano and Lego pieces, three indeterminable bones, two pieces of Scalextric track, several pieces of the board game Operation, one Rice Crispy treat, and a very powerful spell. The Monst’s name is Barry and, when he’s not out roaming Lypeat and Clowes wood, he lives under this same bed. Barry the Monst was made by a six year old boy called Nigel, but neither Barry nor Nigel know that. By the time Nigel’s prodigious spell had finished working, Nigel had long since gone home to bed. The over-early moral of this story then, is to take care with the wishes that you make. Coming into the world alone like that, means that poor old Barry has a gaping void where his maker should be. So, he wanders the local connected
They say ‘history repeats itself’ and it does, of course. I’ve got a PhD in history, so you can trust that I know what I am talking about. Anyway, this tree is actually a very old tree and it has lived through a time which in some ways resembles the one we have now. Be prepared then reader, for this is a cautionary tale. The reason this tree on Linchmere Common is bendy, is because during its lifetime the sun disappeared. As such, the tree, not having eyeballs to see, just gradually reoriented itself to a second source of power and energy: the molten core of the earth. When the sun came back, the tree turned upwards again to the original, greater source of energy. It’s stayed growing that way for some time now, but I have it on good authority that it may well have to make another turn soon.