These guys are waiting for a natural beauty. They are from a special tribe of caterpillars which specialises in being organic jewellery for local beauties who have a special occasion they need to look pretty for. They descended like this in my path as they could tell from a distance that I don’t wear make up, however, when I got close they said I was too much of a slovenly filthy bucket in my grease stained jogging bottoms to waste their time with me. (I’ve since bought an apron in anticipation of encountering them again.) As such, these caterpillars are probably still just hanging about, waiting for a local lovely. So if you are one, I commend thee to high tail it down to the North Downs Way, just outside of Old Wives Lees. Once the caterpillars spy you, they will turn from being a path pendant into some kind of
On this sofa bed, a Monst was made. Not via procreation, you understand, but made nonetheless. His principal constituents are: assorted Meccano and Lego pieces, three indeterminable bones, two pieces of Scalextric track, several pieces of the board game Operation, one Rice Crispy treat, and a very powerful spell. The Monst’s name is Barry and, when he’s not out roaming Lypeat and Clowes wood, he lives under this same bed. Barry the Monst was made by a six year old boy called Nigel, but neither Barry nor Nigel know that. By the time Nigel’s prodigious spell had finished working, Nigel had long since gone home to bed. The over-early moral of this story then, is to take care with the wishes that you make. Coming into the world alone like that, means that poor old Barry has a gaping void where his maker should be. So, he wanders the local connected
Jack is an intergalactic traveller who comes to earth for one reason only: to snatch humans and take them back to his home world to be operated on. I’m not sure what the name of his planet is, and if he is part of an intergalactic federated empire or just from one particularly nefarious planet. I don’t know and frankly I don’t care. All I know is that he is likely lizardoid. Anyway, Jack. The reason Jack comes and steals humans to be operated on is because Abigail brings them back and plants them in high powered and influential positions: politicians, big tech, big pharma, celebrities, etc.. After Jack takes the person from earth, they go through an intergalactic wormhole and end up in some advanced operating facility on Jack’s home world. The human then gets half their brain replaced with an alien brain. At first, Jack and his evil kin
Once upon a time, long before humans were said to exist, sheep did their own washing. They’d find a sturdy patch of gorse or bramble, rub themselves on it, and then collect the parts of their fleece which had got stuck to the spiky bushes. They’d use some sap to glue leaves together into the shape of a bucket, pop the fleecy bits in, and then take them down to the river to wash them. As those were the days before humans, the rivers were always free from pollution, so it didn’t take long for the waters to wash the fleecy bits clean. Once the fleecy bits were nice and refreshed, the sheep would hang them out on a line, just as you can see here. They’d let the summer sun dry them for days at a time, giving the breeze the opportunity to impart new smells and perfumes to the
“There is the path of joy, and there is the path of pleasure. Both attract the soul. Who follows the first comes to good; who follows pleasure reaches not the end. The two paths lie in front of [humanity]. Pondering on them, the wise [person] chooses the path of joy; the fool takes the path of pleasure.” Katha Upanishad It might seem silly, but I know for a fact that this golden path represents the choice presented to us in that Upanishad quote. It symbolises both the path of pleasure and the path of joy. I know this for a fact as I’ve walked both. During the first walking through a field of wheat, I chose the path of pleasure. So devoted to this path was I, that I even invented the Religion of Cake. Not only did I invent this religion, but I actually won a competition for Best New