PoppingJock and the Ancient Order of Kentish Karate
Photo of a wooden fence post on a cliff edge with green grass and bright blue sky. There is some barbed wire fence visible. Wrapped around the top of the fence post is a brown fabric belt.
This is PoppingJock, or rather, this was once PoppingJock before he got banished from his community and turned into a fence post. He’s got a lovely view over Abbot’s Cliff though; Jumpalina is to thank for that.
PoppingJock was once a proud member of the Ancient Order of Kentish Karate who have protected the citizens of Kent since the time of earliest Doggerland. Like all members of the Order, PoppingJock was once a Warrior Tree who acted under the cover of nighttime to protect and serve the day creatures. During the day, Order members lived, and in fact still do live, under the hills of Kent. They’ve burrowed tunnels and great halls, which they reinforced with their dead.
PoppingJock’s kin first came to Kent from the east via Doggerland in response to a call for help. Kentish day creatures were ruled over by two warring clans—the Blausters and the Rotters—who tyrannised the common folk of Kent, as they battled for supremacy and access to the most fertile land.
In the beginning, PoppingJock and the Ancient Order of Kentish Karate used to protect and serve the common day creatures, by acting out stealth combat plans at night. Often, their clever shenanigans would result in the Blausters attacking the Rotters, and vice versa; very rarely would the Order need to engage in combat themselves. They were archetypal arboreal ninjas whose ability to stand motionless in waiting was surpassed by none.
This situation carried on for longer than anyone cares to remember, and the day creatures of Kent lived a boomerang life between the two powers. So long as they kept out of the way, they generally were not drafted. Only the most conditioned and illogically optimistic of the common day creatures would answer the calls of the Rotters and Blausters for drafting. They never came back, their sacrifices for their masters was always for nowt.
One day, PoppingJock received a prophetic dream. He was informed that if the Order kept up the tactic of pitting the Blausters against the Rotters, they would eventually unite and turn against the day creatures, which would spell an epoch ending level of disaster. It was one thing for the day creatures to get caught up in the enmity, but if the warring factions were to unite and turn against the day creatures, well an eternity of exploitation was in sight.
As I am sure you can tell from the current state of affairs, where our own reds and blues seem indistinguishable, the Ancient Order did worse than choose to ignore PoppingJock: they banished him to make him shut up. One misty morning, just before dawn fully struck, PoppingJock was forced out into the day and once the sun’s rays fell over his trunk, the magic was burnt clean off and he turned into a motionless post.
Jumpalina’s dad was on the Punishment Committee of the Order’s Council and it was her love for the forward-thinking PoppingJock that caused her to beg and plead with her dad to get PoppingJock this glorious view. Jumpalina still sneaks out at night to lovingly re-tie PoppingJock’s old Karate belt around the site of his former temples, so that the whole world will be reminded of his honour, clairvoyance, and karate skills.
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