Icy Knot (aka #class war)
Photo of a cobweb strung between two pieces of wire. It is shaped like a knot with a strand going above, and two reaching below. In the background is a wintery common ground and a sun shining in a bright blue sky.
This is one of the most uncomfortable pieces of reportage I have provided thus far. The fact that I have soldiered on should demonstrate how dedicated I am to being a nature reporter with a very important job to do. For my mind is screaming, my heart is quaking, my skin is crawling, and yet and still, I must be faithful to nature and pass her story on.
This rather beautiful knot is the winning entry of an under 12’s competition run by the spiders of Tankersford Common. The competition entails young spiders making their web offerings at dusk, and then overnight, the Ice Elemental comes and chooses the one they like best by making it glitter and glint in the morning sunlight.
The young spider responsible for the winning entry this year is called Emily and she is actually a nice one. It is very difficult for me to admit this. I keep wanting to lie and tell you that it was a beetle wot dun this elegant and icy knot, because to admit that a spider would do anything other than suck out my brains or feast on my blood is breaking my reality somewhat.
Yet, it is true: this glittery gorgeous knot was created by Emily and she is 10.37 spider units old. Truth be told, no one expected Emily to win as she comes from a family of worker spiders in the boggy part of the common. Due to the soggy conditions of her corner of the world, her family lineage does not have any grand masterpiece webs in it. They tend to get too sodden and break before anything majestic can be built.
Emily winning has thrown a bit of a spanner into the spider community of Tankersford Common, as to win the annual competition means that the spider gets to do whatever they want for the rest of their too-many-legged life. This could very well upset the class dynamics of the common and many a haughty spider family in the drier areas of the common are feeling rather bitter about it all. It is likely that they are conniving to plug up Emily’s web-holes, like they have done with every other winning worker spider since time immemorial. #classwar
And what is that Emily has chosen to do with her life, you ask? I’m sorry but I can’t tell you that. All I know is that if I was a spider, I would probably want to come inside a house to weave my beautiful webs as there would be less chance of a random badger, deer, or monsoon ruining it. Unfortunately, as soon as I had that thought, I remembered that spiders are my mortal enemy, so I couldn’t divine any more of the story because I was too busy running away screaming.
Nevertheless, I think we can all agree that Emily did a very good job and that the Ice Elemental has very good taste in knots and that bourgeois people, including bourgeois spider people, are the worst people of all.